Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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