I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
