Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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