cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she peed on how many people?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
