I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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