all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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