i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
