Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
operation harelip BJ is a go
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Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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