That's intense
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
