Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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