Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
