I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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