Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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