he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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