well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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