that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
