He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
