Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
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When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
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Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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