so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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