My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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