I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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