Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
