I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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