if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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