Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
