Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
