yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
