Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
