im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize