who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
