it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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