If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
