omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
