we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
