Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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