There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
