We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
