Pants 0. Shit 1.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
