Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
