someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you win again, gameday.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
