i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
