so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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