Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
