just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
