Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
