Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
