I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
