There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
