You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
