she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
