They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
