Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
