She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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