I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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