im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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