I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have herpe
just one?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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