I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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