Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize