a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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