Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
