people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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