i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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