Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
