i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
