I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
