I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
