Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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