I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
