I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
