omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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