I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
