I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So many bounce houses so little time
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize