oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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