we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
