billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
