hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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