Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
