I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
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