a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just pee around me
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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