you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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