i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
