you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
