You work out of a Hotel?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
