so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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