why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
