Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
